by Texas Stready
Been home from jail for a month and a half. The horror of spending ten months there has lifted. The excitement of my homecoming has worn off. The intense thrill of watching my son get married is gone. The fear of dealing with probation has subsided. The worry of finding a place is settled.
You’d think all this would put me at ease. Not really. Life is closing in on me.
Addiction of any kind is used to provide temporary escape. When people, problems and pressures gets to be too much, we want out.
Life isn’t organized and orderly–I hate that. I think this is true for most people. Years I’ve spent with things out of order in my head. That meant keeping things around me in order was a must.
God is revamping everything. My surroundings right now are a mess but my relationship with Him is straight.
Were it not for my brother Buddy’s warm acceptance of my 99th “do-over,” who knows where I’d be. He has also allowed space for my daughter and her two children during this time of transition. It’s hard. Hard on him and his wife, as well as the four of us.
Pierce is a very active five year old and Solace is two-months. My daughter Azlynn is a 25-year-old working, single mother. God has shown me she is someone to be proud of too (different blog).
Nothing here has a place or pattern for us. Life is disorganized to say the least. Missing Ninja Turtles, pacifiers, cell phones and car keys. I have no driver’s license or car. Not fun. Although I’m here as her mom, to keep the children, I’m sure sometimes she feels like she has a third child. One you have to obey. Not cool.
There are four adults here. We occupy the roles of sister, mother, in-law, brother, uncle, aunt, niece, and grandma. Too many chiefs and not enough Indians, for sure.
Then there’s the usual cohabitation issues.
- Who drank the last of the tea?
- When will your clothes be out of the washer?
- Why are you parked in my parking space?
- Is there any more toilet paper?
Let’s not forget the temptations. Illegal ways to make money, ungodly ways to get attention, and the desire to have a cocktail or two—or three.
***
Why in the world did I give up the old life to embark on the new? Easy. Because none of the old stuff fills the void. It adds to the madness and brings no satisfaction. What’s taken me a lifetime to realize, is that I have a space which can only be occupied by its creator. God made me with this gap so I would realize my need for Him.
I can finally identify with the early Americans. “Give me liberty or give me death.”
Tired of the fillers. I want the real deal.
Jesus brings contentment to the chaos.
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Glad you’re in such a good place, Texas! I’m excited about the high calling of your book project with Cathee. Go, team. Love you!
Welcome home!
Please remember, you are loved and appreciated by so many people that you come into contact with. You have overcome great problems with grace and spiritual growth. I pray that the road ahead becomes a little smoother and if you feel too weak to hold on, He will not let you go.
Give hugs and kisses to your whole family, and let Buddy & Dorothy know that thier hospitality
The first thing that came to my mind was: Be anxious for nothing and in all things give praise and thanksgiving to Him. He has blessed you with a great family….they will never leave you either. It sounds as though you are experiencing a “servants heart”?
Thank you, Dorothy and Buddy for being there and allowing Texas to bless you!
Ellis
Love your comment Ellis. We have all been so blessed by God’s restoration of our family. Thanks for caring and praying all these years.
Texas, I think each of us has our own chaos to work through. You’re not alone! The secret to your success is in the one statement, your “relationship with Him is straight.” Didn’t He promise to make the rough places straight? I love when we can actually see how He’s holding us together while we wander through this life as pilgrims and strangers!
Hang in there Sweetie and keep on trusting. The best is yet to come! Blessings to you, your kids and grands and especially to Buddy and Dorothy whose gracious hearts are obvious.
I just wanted to ssy how very very proud zi am of you. You have traveled a very long distance to get to where you are right now and God is so pleased with you. Chaos, oh yeah been there done thst and find it popping up all the time, but I just call out his name and peace falls on me. Miss you kiddo and send my love to ya. Take Care &God Bless, Jeni
Loved this!!!
You could be in no better place right now than the arms of Christ and the hearts of your family. The enemy will try to steal the peace you are gaining BUT you are ready for him now, through God’s mighty power and quiet grace. So thankful that you are home, so proud of your “new leaf”…so excited to read your book that you’re writing with your Mom. My love to all of you, Texas. <3
It’s good to get those thoughts out of your head…kinda like thinking out loud!! Just think of it like this… the devil knows that you are living right and serving the Lord. The more you do right and the more you focus on building that relationship with God….the more the devil will try to come against you. Corinthians 10:13
Ahhhh, my sweet sister in Christ! What a road we have been on, eh? I’m right there with you where you are now. I’ll take the liberty way before the “fillers”! God is amazing and continues to show me just how amazing each and every day that I lean on, rely on and trust in Him. I’ve tried the other stuff. It only served to make me feel less in every way and came with no validation whatsoever. God validates me! He’s the only One who matters! We’re all “under construction”, “works in progress”, but it is a sweet consolation to be alongside godly sisters such as yourself during the construction process! Consider yourself hugged, loved, appreciated and prayed for!