Please Continue to Hold

“If you fail under pressure, your strength is too small.”

Proverbs 24:10 NLT

Doubts are innate in the human race. But somehow, we think that as followers of Christ, we should never experience them. From the obvious in Thomas – “unless I see with my own eyes…” – to the Baptist who sent a final message from that dark chamber in which he awaited his beheading – “Are you really the one?” – doubt is universal.

Being on the other side of an intense darkness with my granddaughter’s puzzling salmonella bone infection, it is time to reflect.

Reflective listening is the best way for me to hear what God has to say—to see from His perspective—the hidden meaning behind the events and circumstances of life. It appears I yet need to be on the north side before things come into clear view. I guess that’s the same as “hindsight is 20-20.” Perhaps one day that will be different. In my autumn years, I still long to trust God more deeply and to follow His directives more closely.

During Jayda’s three week dance with the salmonella bacteria which attacked her knee, her bloodstream, and our hearts, I pulled out every prayer tool I had in my backpack. As the intensity of her infection stole her ability to walk and placed her in the hospital with two surgeries and IV antibiotics, I put together a world-class prayer team that started in Naples, FL and had delegates from India, Bolivia, Brazil and England, but still the darkness pressed in. These faithful friends helped us shoulder the weight of warfare, but answers came with maddening slowness.

In addition to the prayer chain, I quoted scripture to encourage my lagging faith, I journaled, I lay on the floor – the room filled with worship music from a CD – and wept outright. At times my desperation bordered on begging rather than trusting (trusting children don’t need to beg, I realized later). I wobbled on the rim of a black hole. The silence of God and a seemingly stone heaven were impervious to the “whys” bombarding me like mosquitoes on a hot Florida evening.

Listening for a Word

It was at the edge of the crevasse, however, that God spoke one simple sentence that reached me and hauled me back to hope. He likes desperation, I think. Once we reach the end of ourselves, His voice often comes shining through.

On that morning, I called to add a feature to my local phone service. After dialing the Comcast number, a recorded voice said, “All operators are assisting others. You have approximately 10 minutes to wait. Please continue to hold.”

I turned on the speaker phone feature, set the phone beside me, and tried to read my book. Every 30 seconds the silence was permeated with a voice that said, “Please continue to hold.”

After about the fifth time of my attempt to ignore that irritating message, I looked up from my reading, and with startling awareness said, “God – is that You?” I already knew it was.

“Please continue to hold,” became all I heard from God for the next 36 hours. At first I complained about that message. After all, we had bombarded the throne of heaven with our “fervent, effectual” prayers. We stormed the gates of hell demanding the release of our little one from the clutches of the enemy. Why wasn’t that enough to move the hand of God?

Puzzling isn’t it? We just can’t manipulate the circumstances, even with intense prayer. Sometimes all we can do is “continue to hold.” Eventually I came off my high horse and surrendered  to my Father’s request. Within another week, Jayda went home. Now, another month later, she is walking again.

Since then, the bottom has fallen out of the US economy, we have a polarized election gearing up for the final death blow, and there are so many unanswered questions in my life and future that I can’t begin to name them all.

The holding is necessary. God works within the medium of Chronos and Kairos time. He has limited Himself to set times and seasons. The fullness of time has not yet arrived for many of our prayer requests to be answered. I know, I hate waiting too, but it’s useless to fight it. Like a cricket with a pickaxe trying to chip away at Mt. Everest, it’s a rather silly thing to attempt.

Update on Jayda 

Jayda’s two months in emergency care was four years ago this week. She will turn five on Friday and her recovery can only be classified as astonishing. The salmonella settled in her knee – right in the middle of the growth plate – and the orthopedic surgeon was sure it would affect the length of her leg and interrupt healthy growth. Neither has been true.

Every six months she returns for a checkup and the team of doctors are always amazed that her leg is straight and there has been no permanent damage. On the last visit he said, “The straightness of the average person’s leg is always off 3 – 5 centimeters. Hers is off 1.”

If we find ourselves waiting today, may we be encouraged that the answer is on the way.

But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. Jude 1:20, 21