How did you and Bob stay married for 50 years?
Isn’t that what everyone’s asking me these days? As though I have a little script in my wallet that I’ve followed diligently to arrive at the reason for the big hoopla Saturday night?
I wish it was that easy, friend.
While I’m flying high this week because I get to celebrate the occasion of 50 years married life to Bob Poulsen this weekend with 100 people, we weren’t always flying high.
We cry at weddings – you want to know why? At least, those of us who have been married a while? We cry because we see the two innocent souls who say their vows with such utter trust that their marriage will never face serious challenges, if they have kids and bring them up in church – all will go as planned, and they can’t see any kind of life together that includes deep sorrow or suffering.
At that moment, who would want or expect them to feel otherwise?
But ask anyone who has passed the 25, 40 or 50-years-together mark and you’ll know things don’t quite turn out like we expected. We cannot imagine the challenges, trials, illnesses or loss. If we haven’t built something on rock, a relationship that has been tempered like steel in the crossfire of life, when the storms come, our vessel founders on the shoals.
So the real question is – looking back, what do you think enabled you and Bob to reach this milestone? Here’s my answer to that:
- Start out “in Christ.” Not just having faith in Him, or going to church, but actually allowing Him to be the center of it all. He is the Rock on which we stand. All other ground is sinking sand.
- Keep growing together. As life goes along – babies, work, interests, and habits – they all pull us in different directions. Wives – don’t center your marriage on your children. Your hubby was there first and should remain in first place. Your children will leave one day and if you haven’t grown together in your love and practice you’ll find yourself in very different places when the nest empties. Go to conferences on marriage, take trips without the kids, keep the date night hot.
- Structure work, ministry, and commitments around the priority of family. Relationships are primary. Don’t sacrifice them for anything. Sometimes the damage is irreversible.
- Ask God to show you how to love your spouse better. You’re not smart enough to know how to do that without His help and He’s more than eager to answer that prayer.
For all the fuss that Rob Bell’s book caused in the evangelical world last year, we missed the whole point. Love wins. That’s absolutely true. It’s a message we need to know and live and our marriages are the most visible way we display the truth of that message.
When Bob Poulsen drove into Pizza Palace that night in February 1960, I could never imagine where the road would lead me when I let him drive me home. I was mesmerized by the tan face, sharp crewcut – and yes, the 1959 white Bonneville.
Our love is quieter now. Sweeter somehow. We’ve overcome, endured, persevered together. I am blessed with a man of deep character but I also know it was hammered out on a tough anvil by lots of pressure.
I wouldn’t trade any of it. Even the ugliness we faced together. This is how God was able to shape us into the people we are today. So Saturday night, as the music plays and I dance with him to these words by Vince Gill…
Look at us
After all these years together
Look at us
After all that we’ve been through
Look at us
Still leaning on each other
If you want to see
How true love should be
Then just look at us
…there’s no pride here. Just the plain ole truth. Love wins.
I’m a believer that “love wins” ! Now to watch you dance together and for all of us to take that moment and remember the words “love wins” in our hearts forever!
Love you both so much and so blessed to be a part of your celebration.
Erma – you’ve been with me through this whole plan. On board all the way. No one could ask more of a girlfriend than that! I love you big!
This is so clear, to the point, so real. Spot on! Bill and I sit here with tears in our eyes, sharing your words. Such truth. We have lived this so we do know it is real. Love when you write from your heart, I always cry! What joy it will be to watch the two of you dance and we will listen carefully to the words.
Didn’t have time to labor over this one – just had to say what I had to say. Always do the best writing that way it seems. Can’t wait to hug you big and tell you thanks again for coming. You are the gift!!
Still crazy after all these years. Being in love with this girl has me waiting for the Saturday Night Dance.
It will be a night beyond your wildest dreams!
You know exactly how to say it!! Congrats to a wonderful couple from a couple who love you both to pieces and who also have been blessed by the testimony of your life together.
Thanks Roni. Love you two peeps!
What a great blog full of such simple truths. I have often mused that as we stood before that minister on our wedding day and said those vows, “in sickness and health, for richer or poorer,” we had NO idea what was ahead of us. We had no idea that God would walk us through heartache, pain and sadness, all the while giving us His abundant peace and joy.
You and Bob have been dear friends to us since our wedding day and we thank The Lord for all your input, example and fun through the years . Can’t wait to celebrate with you this weekend!
We have laughed and cried together for sure and we’ll do it all over again Saturday night. Love you both.
Speechless. Love ya
Congratulations Cathee and Bob. Only four more years before we join your ranks. You amaze me with your spot on critique of what marriage is about. Never mind that you had the time with all the frenzy. I cannot think of two more loving people.
I don’t want to go to the party. I have cried so much in preparation, I’m scared of the big night… You guys are amazing. I am thrilled to live here and be a part of this night. Just think I may actually remember the evening. lol
Having you there is part of our greatest joy, Texas.
The way that you brought the book “Love Wins” into the story of you and Bob absolutely touched me. Being one who is NOT a big reader, I’ve read the book twice and own it on CD as well. You have such a way with words ….thank you for being so real in your blog and “saying what you had to say”. I too, love you big. xoxo
You are what I want to be if God saw fit to give me a mate. Extraordinary insight and writing. Wish I would be with you but know I am there in spirit.
Polly – if dreams come true (and they do all the time in the kingdom of God) then I wish for you a love like I have experienced. And I promise to celebrate with you when it happens.
Tears of joy stream down my hot cheeks as I read this blog, and though my time watching this marriage has been less then I had hoped for, my trust in Him and His beautiful plan overcomes me. We are blessed to be family, and I am thrilled to share in the party. Aunt Texas, I will stand and cry with you Saturday night, it’s going to be beautiful!
Carlyn girl – you are one of the greatest joys of my life. So thrilled you will share this evening with us and I’ll see you this evening!!
Beautifully written and profound. But, in your humility, you left out an important reason your marriage has not just survived, but thrived. When the hard times came, yes you turned to God in faith, but then you didn’t give up. So many of us gave up on our marriage when it got too hard, our faith not withstanding. You didn’t! The golry goes to God, but the credit goes to you.
Greg – isn’t “overcome,endured, persevered” not giving up? But I should have put it in the list “Don’t quit. Don’t give up.” That’s what I think you meant – and I do agree it’s almost the #1 requirement.
I remember all the days way past the 50 years. The Pizza Palace, church, family loses etc. So thankful to be part of this occasion. I KNEW you would make it. Funny with all of our trials you had (and both of us had), I always felt you were together for the long years. Our families went way back, through our friendship of course. I remember seeing Bob and brothers working on their cars when I was too young for Pizza Palace. So I can’t think of hardly any years of my life without being aware of you all even before you were one. So happy how God has been that Rock and where it has you now. Thanks so much for always being the example to so many couples. You all and your children are part of my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Of course thanks for your friendship and let me be part of your lives. Love all of you
So glad you’ll be with us Dee!
Wow, Cathee! You hit it out of the ballpark again! Beautifully said. Congratulations once again on your FABULOUS FIFTY and best wishes for the next 50! 😉
Your celebration plans sound marvelous and I know it will be an EXTRA SPECIAL and memorable time for you, Bob and your entire family! So happy that Texas, Dori & Carlyn will be there, as well as the other 97 folks!
Dearest Cathee and Bob, the biggest congratulations and best wishes to you both! Steve and I were married in a double ceremony with his parents as they renewed their vows on their 50th, and we celebrated each year the four of us until their passing last year. It was awesome!
Your very solid advice is somewhat what we have tried to follow with a few minor variances (this being our second marriage) but when all is said and done, YES, love does WIN!
As you stroll down memory lane together during your celebration with cherished friends and family, may they look upon you two and say “yes that’s how true love should be”. So love that song! Blessings always…
Thanks so much for sharing your story and for all you great advice. Congratulations on your 50th. Anniversary. I wish you both all the best.
I finally found some time to read your wonderful blog notes. Love it.
Love does win when Christ is in the center. When we get to 50 we’ll be too old to remember to celebrate so we are starting now and enjoying daily moments of celebration. Thanks for the wonderful joy-filled words.