Benevolent Detachment

by Cathee Poulsen

A term I’ve come to love and use daily. Benevolent Detachment. What exactly is that?

Though I’m a voracious reader (read 37 books last year), I don’t think I’ve ever posted a blog that is a book review. Until now.

I’m not writing this because I read a great book and want to pass it on to you, my dear friends.

I’m so excited to write this blog because I do not know one person who will not only benefit from what I’m presenting here but will benefit greatly. This is life-changing, peace-producing, joy-bringing, Christ-honoring information.

Also a word to the “I’m not a book reader” peeps who are reading this: by the end of the blog you’ll have all you need to do this practice. Without reading the book.

Renovaré Podcast

When I walk with my earbuds I always listen to a podcast. Renovaré is hosted by Nathan Foster, Richard Foster’s son. Richard is most known for his book Celebration of Discipline. It’s one of my fave podcasts. This podcast comes out of the , A Two-Year Online and In-Person Program for becoming more like Jesus. Based on materials by Dallas Willard, Richard Foster, Eugene Peterson, and many others. 

I’d love to be their student. So I listen to a lot of people they interview. Recently Nathan interviewed John Eldredge, who wrote The Sacred Romance. If I could choose one single book out of the hundreds I’ve read that have been the most life-changing, it would be that book. So I was all ears.

(Long intro, but necessary information.)

John began talking about the times we live in and how weighed down, stressed out, and anxious we’ve become because of the amount of news we watch or the heavy needs we often come across on social media. Our heads and hearts become something like the junk drawer in your kitchen. We all have one that collects pens, rubber bands, broken pieces of this and that; stuff we don’t know what to do with.

Our souls have become something like that junk drawer — magnets for attracting all kinds of things we don’t know what to do with. 

Let me tell you what this book, Get Your Life Back — Everyday Practices for a World Gone Mad, has allowed me to acknowledge. We were never meant …

• to know how many people died of Covid in Dubai
• spend hours and hours on Social Media watching other people live their lives
• try reading an article online with Google constantly flashing ads for things you’ve bought or searched for
• watch hours and hours of news with nothing life-giving or encouraging
• pick up our phones and every Sunday morning have them tell us how long it will take to get to church
• be bombarded with News, Marketing, Notifications, Alerts, Status updates, and Postings.

How to Unplug?

This is where Benevolent Detachment comes in. It’s just beautiful! 

This practice is so simple you can memorize it in 60 seconds. It is one way for you to begin making room for God in your life. To receive more of His life in you. A way to fill that dark hole created by all the bullet points listed above.

The secret is learning to pause. Often. My friend, Kathy Freeman, chose Pause as her word of the year in 2021. She said it served her well. This is an expansion of the spiritual practice of a sacred pause. 

Sit quietly and take some very deep breaths. Maybe three. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Then say these words. Out loud if you can.

Jesus, I give everyone and everything to you.

I give everyone and everything to you. 

That is the gist of Benevolent Detachment. It would be impossible for you to sort out the plethora of unhappy information that surrounds you. With this practice you choose to give everything and everyone to God.

You’re worried about your granddaughter who has less than healthy friendships. Or the diagnosis you just got from the doctor. What you’re hearing in the news about our country. The new strain of Covid they’re talking about. The fact that you need to lose 20 lbs. and you’re not sleeping well.

You name it, you can use this practice to give it to God. As you begin to empty yourself of all this flotsam and jetsam of life, these burdens and weights, you make more room for God. For His presence, His peace, the voice of the Spirit. 

The word benevolent speaks of well-meaning kindness. This is not the practice of cynicism or criticism of what you see and hear. It’s kindly separating yourself from it. You are detaching from the idea that you can do something about all these woes of the world. You’re detaching in a gracious way from the people in Africa who don’t have food. The family issues that are out of your control.

Give to missions. Pray for the well-being of the world. Pray for His Kingdom to come on earth as it is in Heaven, but don’t load all these things in your heart or carry the weight of it on your back. God did not call you to do that.

There is always enough grace and provision for the things in your life you are responsible for. But even with those, when you feel bogged down, you can use this sacred pause.

To What Did He Call Us?

Over and over, whether in books I’ve read, or the reminder of the Holy Spirit, or sermon series, this is the passage of Scripture that comes repeatedly. In 2021, our small group spent one year on these words. It is a perfect example of Benevolent Detachment. 

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-3028-30 MSG

Everything we need to live a good and godly life can be found in the words Jesus spoke to us here. And to benevolently detach from what is heavy.

Come to me – Pause! “Jesus, I give everyone and everything to you.” (Benevolent Detachment)

“Recover your life.” How? By coming to Him. Getting away with Him. Even for 1 minute.

“I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.” Then where did all this heaviness come from? Ask yourself that question. If you’re “tired, worn out, burned out on religion” doesn’t it make sense to take Jesus at His word, here in these verses, and to unplug from what’s burdening you?

Wouldn’t you like to learn the “unforced rhythms of grace”? 

The best part is when Jesus says, “Do this and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” 

PAUSE

The last and best thing I want to leave with you is this: John Eldredge has created a free app called simply Pause. There’s a One Minute Pause and you can set reminders on your phone. But also a Three Minute, Five Minute, and Ten Minute feature. And four articles out of the book, one of them explaining Benevolent Detachment in depth.

I’ve been praying for you all week in anticipation of writing this blog. That you will at least look at the app, and at best download it and begin this life-giving practice. It’s so simple and easy to do, and right at your fingertips. 

Best of all, you don’t even need the app. You will find yourself saying, about everything and everyone you become disturbed about,

Jesus, I give everyone and everything to you.

Please, please, if you begin this practice, go to the blog comment section and tell us what happens. I can’t wait to see how God will use this in your life.