Beautiful Brown-eyed Girl

Beautiful Brown-eyed Girl

I awake to a bland, colorless sky and all the lake is still–a soupy grey. Birds dart back and forth and their silent voices join the nothingness of the morning. I’ve awaited the dawn of this day for weeks and now that it’s here the cold fingers of fear grip tightly and courage leaks away like so much spilled soup.

courtroomWhat will happen in court today when she stands before the judge – so many times before that judge – and he sees her name on the docket list? “Texas.” It’s not a name you see every Tuesday.

Haggard and wasted, so exhausted – as though she’s come out of deep shadow and the light in the courtroom is too bright for her hooded eyes–she faces him as he reads through the charges.

We are not present – her family. We do not stand with her today as we have on other days, over so many years with this same tired scenario. How many times do you go to hear the sentence read and watch them handcuff your girl as the deputy leads her away to the jail across the street?

You know your presence multiplies her shame and tries to wring hope from your soul. She’s no longer 19 and full of rebellious youth. She’s 45 and depleted and hopeless. So you don’t go anymore. What’s the point?

I think of all this today and as I do the day grows brighter. Blue steals into grey and overpowers it. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Light is crawling over the lake, sneaking up on the stale dawn and I cling to it for life. I need life today.

untitled_2When evening comes and the gavel has connected with the bench in a resounding crack that echoes through the courtroom, God will have spoken, the heavens thundered, and the sally port slid open to receive its prize.

Only then will I smile into the twilight and breathe a shuddered sigh. Safe at last. My beautiful brown-eyed girl.

 

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Comments

  1. A perfect tribute!

  2. Cathee, I sit here tears running down my face, my heart hurts and I long to hold you, Bobby, and Texas and make everything all better. Doesn’t work that way does it?Such a well known scenario, well worn in your heart as well. As a mom, I feel the pain, loss and yet the relief as we can turn it all over to Him. It was never ours to carry. It does cause us to press in and find the peace and joy offered. You are on my heart today,

  3. Cathee, your words are brilliant sparks popping through the gray feeling in your heart. She is safe.
    I prayed every day for Texas to stay safe until she could be in a safe place. I praise God for His embrace around her . . . and you and the extended family. Chills ran through me as your words penetrated my soul. Texas IS a beautiful brown haired girl who holds the spark of Jesus’ unconditional love so deep in her soul that she may not even be able to tap into this power right now. He is still there, waiting for another chance to take over her life. It will happen . . . some day.

    • Beyond a doubt, Gail. Thank your for your faithful prayers all these years – along with countless others. God has heard and is hearing every one. He alone is our only hope.

  4. Dearest Cathee,
    Your strength through it all is an example I have learned to adopt in my life on so many levels. You are not going through this alone. We stand by your side, we pray with you and we cry with you. We know that God is in control and today we will see what the next step of the journey is. Each of us will use this in our lives today or some day. Blessings to you and Bob for your willingness to share with you. Much love.

    • You’ve been with us almost from Day !. And you’ve help up my arms so many times I can’t count. I always know you’re back there praying and believing with me for the best. Thank you for that. For all of it.

  5. Am praying a special prayer for you today, Cathee.

  6. Cathee and Bob,
    Please know, as you walk these heavy footsteps, that our prayers are not just words in vain to you. We will continue to carry your burden to our Heavenly Father.

    These words … so beautifully written, but much more, so beautifully lived.
    Your journey of faith inspires and is a testimony to us. Mike and Patti

  7. Cathee

    What powerful words you write! We patiently wait for my son’s mother to make it another month before she goes before a judge. I pray that she keeps it together and loves herself as well as her son. I pray a judge puts her somewhere safe and that she comes out the other side with the dignity and grace that God has blessed her with, that which she does not recognize within herself.

    I pray this for your daughter as well.

  8. Cathee,
    It’s an understatement to say the imagery is very powerful in this piece. Your writing is brilliant. It’s that raw honest tenderness breaking through the soupy grey that shines. I join the others in wholly agreeing in prayer for our dear Texas. May we never give up hoping and praying for her breakthrough. Love you, dear friend.

  9. My heart hurts knowing what Texas, you, Bob and the family are going through. I know you’re weary but the Lord keeps pouring strength and hope into you. What a gracious Father we serve! Of course He continues to draw this brown eyed girl to Himself and we continue to trust Him for that. You know so many of us are walking this road with you. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

    Sending love…

  10. Oh Cathee. She’s beautiful. Lifting a prayer for Texas now. And for you.

  11. Dear Cathee,
    Texas is beautiful, and so are you. Praying today for the three of you.

  12. Dearest Cathee and Bob, I sit from a distance watching and waiting for God’s answer to shine in and through all of your lives. I can not express how broken my heart is at times when I read your blog or hear your answers when I ask about Texas . I don’t really know exactly what pulls me so strongly towards all of you, it is so overwhelming at times. I will continue to pray, continue to watch and continue to wait for God’s glorious answer. You two are very special people. Your kindness, faith and love not only as a family but first in our Heavenly Father show through, bringing hope and encouragement to others in ways you may never know. I know he is with you and he is not finished with Texas yet either, keep the faith.
    Barbara

  13. Anthony Connolly

    A beautiful ache. Keep strong.

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