The old fears rumble around these days. Clawing, grasping at my thoughts, seeking to nest in my heart and tell me He’s not paying attention.
Last week I read something a writer friend submitted to our critique group. Funny, isn’t it? The way He breaks in and says, “Yoo-hoo! I’m here and I am paying attention.”
This is what Binsey wrote:
Sometimes the hard trials don’t go away. We pray. We claim. We quote. We get others to pray, to claim, to quote. And when all our best Biblical Christian tools appear to fail we cry for understanding, “God, what are You doing?”
The Lord God Almighty answers, “The silver is mine and the gold is mine. The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house. And in this place I will grant peace.” Haggai 2:8
After reading her words I recognize the honest assessment that even when we do all the right things, repeatedly, sometimes nothing changes. Oh, how we want the quick change, the immediate answer.
I had a vision the other morning just as I was waking up. (I can’t call it a dream because I wasn’t asleep). I was in a large mall that had at least two levels. Wolves were chasing me. Though I never saw their faces, I felt their presence and knew they were coming for me.
I looked up to see Jesus on the Down Escalator and ran to Him. He enfolded me in His robes just as the two wolves passed on the Up Escalator. As they went by, He just smiled and waved. They never even knew I was there.
Then the words to the Hillsong United song came to me:
Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares with Your embrace
Light of the World
I lay there grinning in the half light of morning.
Am I afraid right now – for Dori, for Texas? Yes, I am afraid. But I know God understands that and doesn’t rebuke me for the fear.
Instead, He instructs me, He leads me away from it with words like these:
When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. ~Psalm 56:3
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden fear
Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;
For the Lord will be your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught. ~Proverbs 3:24-26
I’m not sure what the vision meant other than to give me a better picture than the ones I’ve been running through my head. And to remind me that the end is always more glorious than the beginning when we walk with Him. And that He grants peace.
Maybe He just gave me a way to wave at wolves and grin in the dark.